03 June 2015

Wilshere faces a three-match ban for being a bit confused...

After winning the FA Cup for a second consecutive time and record-setting twelfth time overall, Arsenal midfielder Jack Wilshere was momentarily confused and in need of clarification. Apparently, he was unsure of the current status of a certain North London rival, seeing as how they had once again, for the 20th consecutive season. Against that history, it would be easy to see how one might lost track of key details, which tend to disappear in the annals of history. Having won three pieces of silverware in just over 12 months, Wilshere sought insight into the matter from the crowd assembled to celebrate the most recent piece won. For his uncertainty, the FA has levelled charges against him that could result in a three-match ban, starting with the Community Shield against Chelsea.

Oy, Jack, can I bum a square?
Wilshere's crime? He was uncertain what we think of Tottenham. Therefore, he asked, seeking only to verify, nothing more, Tottenham's reputation. I'm sure, in his mind, that he felt that he was asking an honest and open question. "What do we think of Tottenham?" is, after all, a legitimate question, one that may Gooners probably have to wrestle with instead of providing a knee-jerk, Pavlovian response. For all of them to shout back, spontaneously and in unison, "sh*te!" merely provides the inherent truth of the statement.

However, Wilshere, having established his confusion by first saying, "we've gone one question, and one question only" only to posit a second question, sought clarification and nothing more. By this point, it's clear that the man's brain, addled by having experienced so many seasons in a row finishing above Tottenham, seemed unsure of what he had just been told. Like a tourist seeking to confirm what he had just heard in order to avoid taking a wrong turn, the man asked, "what do we think of sh*te?" Again, the spontaneous response, "Tottenham", proves that the two terms are in fact interchangeable. Having ascertained the reality of the situation, Wilshere thanked those in attendance.

However, the FA have stepped in, accusing Wilshere of the following:
It is alleged his conduct in making and/or inciting certain comments during the club’s open bus trophy tour was improper and/or brought the game into disrepute.
Cute phrasing, that: "it is alleged." Who's doing the alleging, FA? Feh. From this point forward, there's really only one conclusion to draw if the FA does follow through on its threat to sanction Wilshere: any action or statement by any player that provokes fans to shout profanities shall result in that player being banned or fined in the same manner that Wilshere will have been. Consistency is, after all, one of the FA's strong-suits. Therefore, I look forward to how this will play out in the upcoming Prem season after Fellaini concusses someone with his elbow, Adams strangles an opponent, or Hazard flops in the box to earn a penalty.

Alternately, the FA might have to open a parallel investigation into the allegations made by the crowd. If it is in fact true that Tottenham are sh*te and vice-versa, and these terms are in fact synonymous, well, it only stands to reason that each player in the Tottenham squad will have to be banned, perhaps for as many as three matches per appearance made. I doubt that those in attendance at White Hart Lane would notice any significant change in the squad's performance.

A key difference between this and the parade is that only one of them is an officially sanctioned FA event. If the FA is going to start poking its nose into business that, frankly, really isn't its business, maybe they could find some time to look into Sepp Blatter and his crew have been up to. After all, last I checked, there were some dodgy decisions regarding England and the FA Cup shortly after Blatter was first elected. Talk about bringing the game into disrepute. I'm not suggesting that Alex Ferguson or Man U engaged in any of the financial hanky-panky that Blatter and his kleptocracy are now in hot water for. I'm only suggesting that, if the FA are so concerned about the game's reputation, they'd do well to look beyond a couple of chants at a parade. Maybe the quality of the refereeing?

Ah, well. Something tells me I'm whistlin' Dixie. Before you go, though, weigh in below the fold. Thanks!