24 December 2015

It's official: without football, Alexis has left the building...

I bring to you a sorry tale, one that lays bare the false dichotomy between genius and madness. I present to you one Alexis Sánchez, he of the gloriously incisive right foot and the maddeningly maniacal whole heart. Put in layman's terms, Alexis, denied of time on the pitch lo these many weeks, has lost his mind. Having not played since 29 November—a 1-1 draw to Norwich in which he delivered the assist—Alexis has left the building. He's gone off the reservation. He's..he's using Phil Collins lyrics without any hint of irony! Clearly, the man has lost touch with reality, and nothing short of a full-scale intervention, consisting largely of an appearance against Sunderland in the FA Cup, will restore the cheeky Chilean to sanity. Set your faces to "stunned" as you contemplate the cry for help that is Alexis's instagram post...
A video posted by Alexis Sanchez (@alexis_officia1) on
More seriously, though, we can heave a collective sigh of relief at the fact that we escaped one of our most-difficult fixtures of the season, winning over Man City despite the return of their own South American talisman. In Alexis's absence, we've seen Joel Campbell and Theo Walcott step up with Giroud dominating affairs, what with six goals in four appearances (including a hat-trick against Olympiacos to see us through to the Champions League's knockout stage).

It's as if Alexis worries that he'll be forgotten, much like the woman in that Phil Collins song. He's got blisters on the soles of his feet (okay, so it's a sore hamstring that he has). He can't walk but he's trying. Meanwhile, for you and me, it's another day in paradise for you and me and paradise.

In his short time at Arsenal, Alexis has transcended the talismanic, and yet, we're enjoying a fine run of form despite his absence. It's enough to drive a man mad. The sooner he returns to the pitch, the better—for his own sanity if not for the squad's success! Atom, Humber, keep a close eye on your man.