17 October 2015

Return of Welsh Jesus: Ramsey resurrected against Watford...

The story of this one is that we eventually wore down a well-drilled, defensively tenacious, and physical side, one that bullied and pressed us up and down the pitch for the better part of an hour...only to fade down the stretch, as evinced by our scoring twice in under five minutes just after that hour-mark, and a third time shortly thereafter to close out the match. That third one, unnecessary though it was to the result, and beyond what it might mean for goal-difference in the long run, might just open the floodgates for a player who has beaten his head bloody against those gates for months, if not longer. On this day, Aaron Ramsey's squibbled goal mattered not a whit. Going forward, though, it could be massive.

Can Walcott lay waste to Watford without Alexis?

We come back from an international break flush with excitement, whether it be the successes of Gunners playing for their countries, the fact that we trounced Manchester United, or that José Mourinho seems to have pressed the self-destruct button. With that backdrop, we should perhaps expect to simply show up at Vicarage Road on Saturday and say "boo" in order to leave with three points secured. Actual banana-peels are less slippery than this one could be.

16 October 2015

Arsène SHOCKS Arsenal by leaving the Emirates before 20:17...

HOLLOWAY, London, England—Long-serving manager Arsène Wenger has shocked footballing fans around the world by announcing that he plans to leave the Emirates well before 20:17 even though his contract runs well through June 2017. Rumours of his departure have bubbled up repeatedly over the years as Arsenal have struggled to live up to the high expectations established during the first eight years of Arsène's tenure, during which time the club enjoyed an unparalleled period of success. Since then, a period of epidemic mediocrity has beset the club, and it's little wonder that the man after whom the club was named will be leaving the Emirates sooner rather than later.

14 October 2015

Dear José Mourinho: Cram it with walnuts.

Dear José—
We went into the international break enjoying your club's best imitation of used toothpaste swirling the drain. I thought that an extra two weeks of seeing you and Chelsea flirting with relegation would be enjoyment enough. However, we then enjoyed an international break in which our lads escaped injury, and we saw Alexis, Cazorla, Giroud, Ramsey, Ox, Walcott, Akpom, Gnabry, and Campbell score (oh, and van Persie albeit against his own country), and Alexis and Özil tallied assists. Now, it seems, we now get to sit back and watch you implode to an even more-embarrassing degree. Just when Diego Costa is set to return from his three-match ban, you might soon serve one of your own. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

What new devilry is this? Gunners dominate the international break...

It's become a bit of a tradition if not a curse for Gooners to see an international break as a mixed blessing; on one hand, the mix of friendlies, World Cup qualifiers, and Euro qualifiers can confirm the arrival of another Gunner cultivated from relative obscurity. Players who had long lingered on the fringes of their country's squads seem to get call-ups. On the other, our players suffer even more wear and tear in service to their countries. It's rare then that we can celebrate without reservation an international break marked by as much success and so few asterisks as the one that just came to a close. There's even a delicious dollop of schadenfreude waiting for those willing to plow through the folderol that follows...

12 October 2015

Özil proves once again that he's a complete waste of time, space, and money...

With another international break almost done and dusted, Gooners can assess with a discerning eye that performances of the Gunners playing for country rather than club, and, with that discerning eye screwed squarely to the sticking place, face the truth without passion or prejudice. That truth, sad though it may be to say, resounds loudly and clearly: Özil is, as the saying goes, nicking a living. His failures only come into sharper contrast when held up against the successes of other Gunners on international duty. Ramsey? He helped Wales qualify for its first major tournament final in 57 years. Alexis? He became Chile's third-highest scorer in history. Özil? Yawn. One assist in two matches. Against Ireland and Georgia, one might expect a higher rate of return on one's £42m investment.