12 May 2022

NLD Preview: A deep, deep block of lasagna...

So. It all comes down to this, possibly the most-important North London Derby in decades. If we lose, fourth place is still up for grabs. If we draw, we still have an inside track on it. Win—well, win, and it's all over. Fourth is ours. However, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Tottenham would never let us achieve anything of significance at their home ground. That would be truly humiliating. As I write, I'm feeling a bit peckish, with a hankering for some lasagna...but I should abstain. I have to watch my figure, and all those carbs could make me go pear-shaped. I should draw on past experience to guide me...

08 May 2022

Rivals' Roundup #36: Zeno's Paradox and the Pursuit of Fourth Place

You know this blog is good because it makes a pop-culture reference and
an allusion to Greek antiquity in one fell swoop.
Hm. Maybe I've hit on a new title for the Harry Potter series. I'll put a pin in that and come back to it later. Pretty good weekend, all things considered, as we inch ever closer to clinching fourth place. We're not quite there yet, no thanks to sodding Liverpool's wastefulness. Still, the list of contenders has shrunk to three...but I'm going to include four because, well, I'm a petty, petty man, and I will never pass up a chance to lord it over the likes of Man U. Having established myself as both a man of letters and a spiteful troll to boot, let's get to it.

07 May 2022

Dammit, Liverpool. C'mon.

I should've known. Like Charlie Brown, Lucy, and the football, I should have known. Saturday was full of harbingers and omens and divinations. After Man City's shock loss to Real Madrid sent them reeling into a tailspin that should almost certainly carry over into the Prem, opening the door to Liverpool getting closer to an unprecedented quadruple, we saw Chelsea concede an equaliser in the extra minute of stoppage time added to the preceding six minutes of stoppage time and Man U get absolutely humiliated by Brighton. The stars, it seemed, were all aligning for us. All that was left was for Liverpool to do what everyone expected Liverpool to do. Alas and alack and all that folderol, here we are.

06 May 2022

Pick to Click against Leeds: it's gotta be Martinelli

Sorry, Luke, but you may be in for a tricky shift...
So we have to wait 'til Sunday to see just how much closer we might get to clinching a Champions League spot for the first time since the 2016-17 season. Hmph. Early signs are encouraging, though, what with Tottenham going to Anfield on Saturday and us hosting Leeds on Sunday. Tottenham may actually fare better against Liverpool than they have against the likes of Brentford or Brighton, but that's neither here nor there. After all, as the old saying goes, I don't have to climb into a rubbish bin to know what rubbish is. Instead, let's put our focus where it belongs: on us. We have it in our power to control our destiny. Key to doing that on Sunday may very well be our brilliant Brazilian, Gabriel Martinelli. 

03 May 2022

Rivals Roundup #35: Tantalus, Sisyphus, and barnacles...

I'll be honest here—I was really, really looking forward to writing about just two clubs this week. However, Chelsea had to go ahead and find a way to lose to Everton (who the hell loses to Everton, at Goodison Park no less? Pfft.), and Man U somehow found a way to defeat Brentford. As it stands, then, we still have to consider Chelsea, Arsenal (who stand in as Tantalus), Tottenham (who reprise their ever-lasting role as Sisyphus), and Man U (the obstinate barnacle).  I wish I could replace all of our rivals with that Chinese cartoon with the robots that turn into blingwads, but that's a project that will just have to wait. Without any further throat-clearing, then, let's get down to business.

02 May 2022

Who needs Erling Haaland when we have Eddie Nketiah?

"No, Dec. Please. We're wasting valuable time."
Okay, okay, so that might be a touch hyperbolic and more than a smidge hasty. After all, Haaland hasn't played a single minute in the Prem so there's just no knowing if he could do what he's done on a cold, night at the Britannia Stadium. Considering that Stoke are mid-table in the Championship right now, he may never get a chance to prove that old cliche wrong. I don't know why I brought it up other than that it feels good to type "Stoke are mid-table in the Championship".  Let's get back to why I brought you all here, though. Eddie Nketiah put on his best performance of his young career against West Ham on Sunday. While he didn't score any goals, we've grown accustomed to that sort of thing around here. He did put four shots on target, and that, my fellow Gooners, allowed the 22-year old to clear a very low bar.