09 November 2021

Maybe Arsenal should have returned the ball to Watford...

One side was full of thuggery and poor sportsmanship. T'other 'twas pure as driven snow. There's to be no confusin' now as the one side, the one side that did its level best to honor the letter and spirit of every law, rule, regulation, and custom be  it written and unwritten was hard done by in the end as their commitment to fair play. There's just no justice in the world, none I say. Why, I remember a day when you could look a man straight in the eye, give his hand a firm shake, and know you'd struck a deal as unbreakable as oak. These days, I don't know what to make of this topsy-turvy world. Up is down, down is up. It's enough to make one lose faith. And yet we don't. We bravely soldier on, knowing that tomorrow is a new day. So it must be for the brave, indefatigable souls at Watford.

The proof is incontrovertible. Arsenal played dirty and cheated their way to a dishonourable and undeserved victory. What other conclusion is there to be drawn from Arsenal committing six fouls and drawing four yellow cards? Clearly, they are dirty and cynical. What's that? Post hoc ergo propter hoc, you say? None of those is even a word in the Queen's English. Get some culture about you, you uncultured swine. Prithee interrupt me no more.

As I was saying, clearly, committing that many fouls shows a side unwilling or unable to play by the rules as they are written, and they are not to be trusted. Their honourable opponents, on the other hand, are to be praised for their professionalism and not-at-all cynical attempts to injure, distract, or deceive their opponents. As you can see in the clip below, Lokonga slides quite ruthlessly through the unsuspecting Tufan and isn't even booked. Anyone who made that much contact with a player with such a paltry attempt at playing the ball would surely see red. Automatically. You can take that to the bank eight days a week and twice on Sundays.

On an unrelated note, the ball ends up in the possession of a player named Danny Rose, a lad who hasn't the rashness or the guile to try anything untowards or unbefitting a player at this level. Seeing his teammate prone, Rose does what any man worth his salt would do by putting the ball out of play. To insinuate that this has anything—anything whatsoever—with Lacazette closing him down mere feet from the endline reveals you to be a ill-bred ruffian of the basest variety and an ignoramus, footballistically speaking, to boot. To huff and puff about a side that had committed 19 fouls and might have been reduced to nine men had Kevin Friend known how to distinguish his arse from a hole in the ground again exposes you, sir (to be quite generous), as one who probably doesn't know his salad fork from his dessert spoon.


And yet you persist, pointing out that Tufan gets up and rejoins play, apparently uninjured and is even present to have a chance at closing down Saka before the lad can start the sequence that leads to the goal. What's more, you say, by this point, the rest of Tufan's teammates see that he is uninjured and involved. Clearly, you are as blind as the hand in front of your face. Tufan has clearly and bravely set aside what only be described as a horrific if invisible injury in a valiant attempt to batten down the hatches (that's a nautical term, you warthog-faced buffoon) until his stalwart chums can convince those nefarious "Gooners" (what an oddly apt nickname) to put the ball back out of play. Long would he have to wait, for those Gooners cruelly exploited Watford's naïveté, punishing them with a goal that was so unfair that it will surely the attention of the United Nations, whose sternly worded but polite letter will leave no doubt as to their general consternation about this state of affairs.

Don't believe me. Let your eyes do the talking, but beware: the chicanery and malfeasance is not suitable for young viewers or those with an aversion to graphic violence (if the video is blocked, consider this link instead).